Casual Sex After a Divorce Can Be Healing but Also Downright Annoying
Revelations as I get deeper into my memoir: "Sex-Starved."
As you already know, I’m currently writing a memoir about my post-divorce casual-sex journey, entitled Sex-Starved. I’m about halfway through, and you can read what I’ve written so far here.
While it’s been cathartic to flesh out this part of my past, I’ve found myself wondering what the point is for the reader.
Yeah, some of the stories are hot. I destroy myths that women don’t need as much sex as men do. I dispel the belief that women never like casual sex—that women only want love.
Hell, I crack open the ageist theory that women dry up sexually after a certain age. I was a sexually voracious forty-something-year-old woman. If anything, as I’ve aged, I’ve become more sexual.
I felt like I healed through sex with various lovers after my divorce. And yet, even as I edit the pages of this memoir, I don’t feel like I can promote casual couplings as something beneficial.
I’m certainly not heralding casual sex as this amazing thing that every divorced woman should be dedicating her life to having. The past couple of stories I’ve been working on only serve to remind me just how annoying some of my experiences were.
Take the last newsletter I sent out where I included a chapter from my memoir: I Didn't Dump Him Because of His Small Penis. He Was Selfish in Bed.
As you read, I went to bed with a man who had a small penis, but his dick size wasn’t the problem. His total lack of interest in my pleasure was.
Or take the chapter that comes after that: He Mocked Me for Masturbating to Get Off After He Already Came.
This guy was perfectly happy to use my body to reach climax, but made fun of me when I took matters into my own hands to jill myself off after he failed to make me climax, too.
After that experience, I came up with the solution to bring a vibrator along on every date, which I describe in this chapter: Never Leave Home Without Your Vibrator.
But should that have been my solution?
Maybe men should care a little more about women’s pleasure. But again, that’s probably asking too much from a casual-sex experience.
This newsletter is excerpted from a story I just wrote on Medium: Casual Sex Helped Heal Me After My Divorce, but I Wouldn’t Promote It as a Panacea.
As I continue to write my memoir, I’m quickly reaching the conclusion that while casual sex might have been fun after my divorce, it certainly wasn’t a cure-all for my broken heart.
I share that I hardly want to return to having a bunch of disconnected sex if my current relationship ends.
Instead, I write: “I’d date ‘intentionally,’ heavily vetting matches before we ever met in person. I’d first made sure there was a deeper connection before we went to bed with each other.”
These are my conclusions as I plod forth with my memoir. But I’m curious to hear what you think.
Do you like casual sex, or not so much?
Please let me know in the comments.