I Learned My Date Was Married While Kissing Him in His Car

My ex also cheated on me with a woman in her SUV.

Photo by Leonid Triboi.

Sorry I’ve been MIA lately with this newsletter. I’ve had A LOT going on. I hope to share some of these new happenings soon…

I also wrote a lot on Medium last month. You can check out my newest articles by clicking on the link below.

One of these stories is the one you’ll read below. This story is also a chapter from my memoir, Sex-Starved (with some edits). I’m trying to wrap up that project and get it onto Amazon, all while continuing to shoot photos, work as an online domme, and make videos on YouTube.

I’m exhausted.

So please bear with me….

I hope the story below sheds a little more light on what my marriage was like and what some of my challenges were while dating after my divorce.

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When Darryl and I matched on Tinder, I liked him immediately. He was cute, funny, and more, plus he seemed to really like me, too.

I was thrilled when he began to call me every night. We had deep conversations about our lives. Talking to him was therapeutic.

I told him about the traumatic end of my marriage — when I found out my ex-husband had been cheating on me. Darryl talked about his ex-wife too — about how long it took him to recover from their split.

He spoke about this woman in the past tense. As far as I was concerned, Darryl was divorced.

Nothing could prepare me for the shock of finding out he wasn’t.

How I found out my date was married.

After spending all those hours on the phone, Darryl and I finally met up. We went to dinner and had a wonderful time.

I’d taken an Uber to the restaurant to meet him. At the end of the evening, he said he’d drive me back home in his car. When we arrived at my place, we stayed in his car out front, kissing.

I loved kissing Darryl. I wanted to feel more. I pulled him to me.

I was shocked to feel him retract his body from mine. He gave me a worried look.

My body tensed. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

He gave me the news:

“I’m still married.”

The guilty look on his face when he told me the truth… He knew I wouldn’t be happy about this — especially given my past.

My ex cheated on me with a woman in her car.

You might think I never spoke to my ex-husband again after he revealed that he’d cheated on me during our marriage. That’s not the case. More than once, I asked him to tell me how he cheated on me.

Maybe you think I’m a masochist for wanting to know this information. I assure you I am not. I was still in a state of disbelief, too numb to fully comprehend the breadth of my ex-husband’s breach of trust.

I had yet to truly feel the pain of his betrayal. My interest in how he had been unfaithful was still an intellectual exercise.

I was simply astounded by how he’d gotten away with it. And how had I been so dull not to notice it?

I prodded him to share all the dirty details of his infidelity — how he’d pursued other women behind my back with the help of Ashley Madison.

One story, in particular, stuck in my mind. This was the story of how my ex used to have sex with a woman in her car.

“It was an SUV,” he told me. “I called it the FuckUV.”

I don’t know how I managed not to vomit when he shared this detail. As I said, I was still too in shock for the words to really sink in.

Instead, I talked to my ex-husband about his jaunt with his mistress in her “FuckUV” as if it had happened to someone else’s husband. This “other husband” would meet this woman in her car in a parking lot near the beach late at night. The “other husband” would hop into the “FuckUV” and they’d go at it right there in the passenger seat.

For this reason alone, finding out Darryl was still married was even more hurtful. Especially because I learned the truth while fooling around with him in his own car.

I no longer felt numb to my ex’s infidelity.

In the car with Darryl — after he’d just told me he was married — I thought about all those hours we’d spent talking on the phone. I’d made it very clear how much my ex-husband’s betrayal had hurt me. Darryl could have been honest then.

Instead, he’d led me on. I felt incredibly stupid — duped and wounded.

And angry.

I felt like I was reliving learning about my ex’s betrayal. I felt like I was drowning in my own degradation.

That’s when it hit me. I finally understood my ex-husband’s cheating as an emotional reality. And this realization dug into my heart like a knife.

All I wanted to do was get as far away as I could from Darryl. I jumped out of his car and ran inside my place, locking the door behind me.

But amazingly, this experience helped me get over my ex.

I could finally accept my ex’s cheating.

I had been denying feeling this pain for so many months. But I had to feel it — I had to feel the hurt of my ex-husband’s betrayal to feel the anger.

I’d numbed myself to it. But that meant I couldn’t move through the stages of grief.

Now I was doing just that. I was angry as hell. But I was also accepting my ex’s cheating.

I accepted it for what it was: something that had nothing to do with me. My ex-husband’s infidelity had to do with his own flaws and lack of empathy.

I could finally move on. If anything good came out of meeting Darryl, it was that.

I had to grapple with and feel my ex’s cheating before I could get over it. Darryl’s cheating strangely allowed me to do that.

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There you have it. FYI, my memoir is almost finished. You can read my latest work-in-progress by clicking below.

Thanks for reading!