Why I Call Myself a “Picky Slut”
I might have had casual sex with many men, but I was still discerning about who I chose as a long-term partner.
Back in the days before Craigslist got rid of its “Casual Encounters” section, I met a man there. His name was Lee and he was both very handsome as well as extremely direct about the fact he wasn’t looking for a relationship. All he wanted from a meeting was to give a woman pleasure. I jumped at the opportunity.
I wanted pleasure and I wasn’t interested in anything serious. Well, at least not with Lee. I was physically attracted to him but I already sensed we weren’t a match for the long term. He lacked the intellectual and emotional depth I require in a partner.
But sure enough, I enjoyed the sex with him. We went to bed just an hour after meeting. We got down with no guarantee we’d ever see each other again.
This might prompt some people to call me a slut. I’m not going to argue with you. I long ago reappropriated the term to have a positive meaning.
I know a slut is traditionally defined as a woman who’s had many casual sex partners. That’s me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not discerning. I may not always wait a long time to suss out a man’s long-term benefits before we have sex. That doesn’t mean I invest emotionally in just anyone.
People too often believe that women who give away sex “easily” also give away their hearts in the same way. That isn’t my case. I may have shared my body with a lot of men but I’m still picky about who I develop feelings for.
That’s why I call myself a “picky slut.”
A picky slut is a woman who might have casual sex with many men, however, she’s discerning about who she chooses as a partner.
I used to fall in love with men just because we’d had sex.
I wasn’t always a picky slut. I used to give my heart away to anyone. I had no idea what I was looking for in a man or what my requirements were for commitment. I didn’t even know myself.
I had no impulse control. I’d go to bed with a guy and fall for him immediately. This led to a great deal of heartache.
I had to learn to become more logical in determining which men were “boyfriend material.” Just because I chose a guy for sex didn’t mean we were emotionally compatible.
By and by, I got better at determining which men were right for me. Still, I sometimes had built-up sexual energy I needed to dispel. I’d seek out casual sex but I didn’t fall in love with these men.
I learned to be a slut while also being picky about who I chose for a deeper connection.
I became a “picky slut.”
A picky slut doesn’t choose just anyone to be her mate.
I believe it’s a form of self-respect to be careful about who we select as long-term partners. In my case, I require a certain level of attention from a man if I’m going to commit to him.
To detect if he’s right for me I require time to get to know him. I require we have similar interests, a similar worldview.
We have to want to get to the same place in life. We have to be able to support and elevate each other.
Lee couldn’t do any of this for me and honestly, even if he could, I didn’t want him to. I didn’t choose him for that. I was picky.
But we still had mad physical chemistry. We could still spend a night of passion together. I could still celebrate my capacity to have sex with whoever I wanted while remaining cautious about who I brought inside my soul.
I continue to lead my life by this same ethos today — respecting my physical needs for sex while also protecting my emotional vulnerability.
What do you think? Do you think it’s possible for a woman to go to bed with a man just for the sex? Let me know in the comments!