Are You in a Sexless Marriage? If so, I Feel Your Pain
This newsletter is for you.
Many of you know me as the randy, ex-sex worker/writer from Medium, who merrily pens stories about my various sexcapades. And trust me, the aim of this newsletter is to group together many of those hot, juicy stories in a logical order.
But what many of you don’t know is that I was once in a sexless marriage.
At least my relationship with my now ex-husband was sexless in the end. We spent several years rarely if ever having sex.
That’s the goal of this newsletter: to tell the story of my sexless marriage. I also aim to shed light on my sex life before my marriage.
Of course, I will also include the tales of my various sex experiences after my divorce. You can read one of those stories now: I Was Fingered in a Park at Noon.
But I wanted to take a moment to recognize those of you who are still in sexless relationships.
Just know I see you.
I feel you.
I know your pain.
What’s a sexless marriage?
Before I go any further, I should take a moment to define what a sexless marriage is. A sexless marriage (or relationship) is one where a committed couple stops having sex.
I’d also categorize a sexless marriage as one where a couple rarely if ever has sex — say, they only have sex twice a year.
A relationship can also become “almost sexless” when cohabitating partners are only intimate once a month.
I know this sounds counterintuitive. People get married to have sex, right? Part of the reason people get into relationships is to have sex with one another.
So how in the world do people end up in sexless marriages?
Why do marriages end up sexless?
Common reasons people have sexless marriages (and relationships) are:
One partner loses sexual attraction for the other because of changes in their looks or weight.
One partner has health issues that affect their libido.
One partner is suffering from emotional issues like religious shame or shame from past sexual trauma.
A baby is born so one or both partners no longer have time for or interest in sex.
Financial troubles push a couple apart emotionally, but they stay together because their finances are intertwined.
The couple has been together for a while, and the passion is gone. Neither partner has done anything to keep the passion alive. Or one partner has tried, but the other resists.
A couple has grown apart as their life goals have changed. They no longer see each other as romantic partners but stay together for the kids.
A couple has grown apart because of too much fighting. They’ve destroyed that intimate bond that keeps them attracted to each other (and having sex).
In short, there are many reasons that couples end up having sexless marriages. Still, the outcome is the same.
People are unhappy — often miserable.
In future editions of this newsletter, I will shed light on some of the potential solutions to a sexless marriage.
I will also show how there’s hope when people decide to leave their sexless relationships.
I did—and here I am, documenting my own sexual escapades from after my divorce.
If you would like to read one of my sexy stories about my sexual healing after my divorce, you can read my piece: Why I Call Myself a “Picky Slut”.
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