"You don’t even have to have sex at the club for it to be beneficial to your relationship."
I'm glad you emphasized this, because the vast majority of swingers in the world will not hesitate to point out that the lifestyle is not a cure for a sexless, possibly dying, relationship. My wife has indicated her willingness to return to the lifestyle---yet only for "the socializing aspect" as she puts it. While that isn't the optimum for me (the one who wants to have sex with others), I will certainly accept it as a form of foreplay.
As I've mentioned before, both I and my wife are very, very self-conscious about our age and our current body types; any club visits may not happen for some time, if at all. A member of an online swinger community I discovered told me that "all shapes, sizes, and ages" are part of that community, and that everyone has to "own their sexy." Nonetheless, their profile photos and other proffered pictures betrayed that claim. I have also learned that while the BBW is always a welcome addition to such venues and events, her male counterpart is shunned like a leper.
In other words, I don't trust the sex-positive and swinger communities to live by what they claim. It's the HWP world out there, and we don't qualify.
Hi Richard, I really appreciate the points you bring up that push back against my perhaps "too idealized" solutions to cure one's sexless marriage.
At swingers' clubs, the woman is definitely the sought-after counterpart at the party. And let's face it, we live in an age-ist, looks-ist world. As much as we might wish to celebrate that "all bodies are beautiful," those in the world who don't fit in the category of young and fit, can find themselves marginalized to the outskirts. That's definitely true in the swinger lifestyle. So thanks for bringing up this point.
But then again, the swingers lifestyle is not about sexual anarchy, as you already know. A lot of times, attending an event is simply about thinking about having sex with other people, rather than actually having it. The fantasy goes a long way to bring a couple closer together. So thanks for pointing that out too!
I'll definitely be writing about how sometimes there's nothing to fix a dying relationship. And still, people stay together for a myriad of reasons. They simply see the advantages of remaining married, even if they're not in love anymore. Children, finances, a shared house--even lack of finances--keep people together. I'm very sympathetic to this. I stayed way longer in my marriage than I should have for the above reasons.
But know I appreciate your viewpoints. Definitely fuels my thought processes as I write. So thanks!
Yes, definitely! I was just having a discussion with someone about this today. They were bemoaning the loss of sex education in schools and I was wondering if that's even the school's job.
We all have different values when it comes to sex. Who gets to decide how to teach the value?
I'm very pro sex and I want sexuality taught in a certain way to my children. I don't trust the school to teach it correctly, even if I'm a proponent of sex ed.
So it's complex. In my case, I can try to throw out solutions, but obviously, it's never a one-size-fits-all issue. Healing a broken relationship is complex and a jaunt to a sex club isn't necessarily the fix.
But it can be--and it can help spark romance if two partners are willing.
I have always discounted visiting any swinger/sex club because and perhaps a prejudice on my part of that they would be base wholly in the traditional male dominate style.
Yes, sex Ed a difficult subject, almost non-existent when I grew up.
I'd like to see ex Ed teach both young and old women to enjoy sex as much as men and to be assertive about it.
I not in a sexless relationship yet but age isn't helping. At least when we engage we enjoy : )
So glad to know your PayPal email is sane. 😉
Yes. :-)
Haha, finally caught the typo. Ugh. It is sane though.
"You don’t even have to have sex at the club for it to be beneficial to your relationship."
I'm glad you emphasized this, because the vast majority of swingers in the world will not hesitate to point out that the lifestyle is not a cure for a sexless, possibly dying, relationship. My wife has indicated her willingness to return to the lifestyle---yet only for "the socializing aspect" as she puts it. While that isn't the optimum for me (the one who wants to have sex with others), I will certainly accept it as a form of foreplay.
As I've mentioned before, both I and my wife are very, very self-conscious about our age and our current body types; any club visits may not happen for some time, if at all. A member of an online swinger community I discovered told me that "all shapes, sizes, and ages" are part of that community, and that everyone has to "own their sexy." Nonetheless, their profile photos and other proffered pictures betrayed that claim. I have also learned that while the BBW is always a welcome addition to such venues and events, her male counterpart is shunned like a leper.
In other words, I don't trust the sex-positive and swinger communities to live by what they claim. It's the HWP world out there, and we don't qualify.
Hi Richard, I really appreciate the points you bring up that push back against my perhaps "too idealized" solutions to cure one's sexless marriage.
At swingers' clubs, the woman is definitely the sought-after counterpart at the party. And let's face it, we live in an age-ist, looks-ist world. As much as we might wish to celebrate that "all bodies are beautiful," those in the world who don't fit in the category of young and fit, can find themselves marginalized to the outskirts. That's definitely true in the swinger lifestyle. So thanks for bringing up this point.
But then again, the swingers lifestyle is not about sexual anarchy, as you already know. A lot of times, attending an event is simply about thinking about having sex with other people, rather than actually having it. The fantasy goes a long way to bring a couple closer together. So thanks for pointing that out too!
I'll definitely be writing about how sometimes there's nothing to fix a dying relationship. And still, people stay together for a myriad of reasons. They simply see the advantages of remaining married, even if they're not in love anymore. Children, finances, a shared house--even lack of finances--keep people together. I'm very sympathetic to this. I stayed way longer in my marriage than I should have for the above reasons.
But know I appreciate your viewpoints. Definitely fuels my thought processes as I write. So thanks!
I'm glad to see you acknowledge difficulty surrounding the issue of differences in sexual value that people have.
Yes, definitely! I was just having a discussion with someone about this today. They were bemoaning the loss of sex education in schools and I was wondering if that's even the school's job.
We all have different values when it comes to sex. Who gets to decide how to teach the value?
I'm very pro sex and I want sexuality taught in a certain way to my children. I don't trust the school to teach it correctly, even if I'm a proponent of sex ed.
So it's complex. In my case, I can try to throw out solutions, but obviously, it's never a one-size-fits-all issue. Healing a broken relationship is complex and a jaunt to a sex club isn't necessarily the fix.
But it can be--and it can help spark romance if two partners are willing.
Thank you MW.
So many issues you spark!
I have always discounted visiting any swinger/sex club because and perhaps a prejudice on my part of that they would be base wholly in the traditional male dominate style.
Yes, sex Ed a difficult subject, almost non-existent when I grew up.
I'd like to see ex Ed teach both young and old women to enjoy sex as much as men and to be assertive about it.
I not in a sexless relationship yet but age isn't helping. At least when we engage we enjoy : )